The Gum Saver

Is there a line between Logical Lawyer and Neurotic Professor?

Yes, but it is very, very thin.

Steve Nelson. Former Lawyer and current UGF CRJ professor and cat hater.

Besides being an avid smoker and causing problems, Nelson has THE worst luck with, well, pretty much life. Here are some reasons why:
1.) He cannot use a computer if his life depended on it. An example of this is that he spends the whole class time trying to boot up the computer for something that we don't need.
2.) PowerPoint hates his guts. Whenever he innocently tries to open PowerPoint, Word automatically appears! Not really, he just doesn't know how to use a computer.
3.) Cats attack him left and right. In the past year, I have heard of the same cat stealing his car keys, cutting his finger, and hiding in his house. All of these, according to him, are just to piss him off.
4.) He has had two knee replacements and now walks with a cane.
5.) He has a GUM SAVER!

This number five is the real story:

Wednesday in class, Nelson does his usual: tries to turn on the computer, gets mad at the computer, tries to pronounce all of our "regular, average American names", gives up on the computer for five minutes, mumbles about old cases, tries the computer again, and gives up again. BUT this day, he pulls out what appears to be a small retainer case and pulls out a piece of gum and sticks it in his mouth. After about thirteen chews, he places the gum back in and keeps talking. Then, after molesting a stick of chapstick, he PULLS out the gum again and puts it BACK in his mouth! This went on for about the whole hour until I decided that this was worthy enough to write about. I am still in the process of investigating this Gum Saver, so if anyone has any information about this amazing invention, please let me know.

Physics and Ketchup

I know that I haven't written in a while, but I have been quite busy with school and snowboarding. Anywho, here is a good story that just happened this evening:

My friend Trevor and I were over at the "caf" (our less than adequate UBT cafeteria) for dinner. We usually are banging down the doors right at 5 p.m. but today we were casually late (5:15 p.m.). Toward the end of our meal, a ketchup packet started to occupy our attention.

"There's a hole. I'm gonna squeeze it."

"Be careful, Trev, it's gonna go all over."

Much to my dismay, Trevor kept squeezing it, twisting it, and taking its dignity until we heard a big SNAP! Trevor moved his head. he had a splatter of ketchup on his cheek. We kind of laughed and looked to our left.

"Oh my heck!"

"Whoops! I didn't think it would shoot that far!"

In our cafeteria, there are enlarged photos from the 1960s of the campus. And now, thanks to us, a lovely picture of the quad has large spots of ketchup on it. I'm not talking a splash; I'm talking a tsunami of ketchup!

"Trevor, you have to clean that up!"

"No, someone will see me do it!'"

"But you can't leave it there!"

"Watch me. Grab the drinks, we need to leave."

We quickly left the cafeteria laughing the whole way.

It's still there.